Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
After both bands split up, the guitar player (that I had all that chemistry with - remember?) and the bass player from BTJ picked up the keyboard player, from Newman. They wrote a few songs together and asked me to come play with them. Shortly thereafter, we added a new drummer into the mix. He could write and sing, and was the perfect addition.
We called the band “thred” (not to be confused with the currently existing thred band), because we all sucked at coming up with band names. We had been playing around town for almost a year, when we decided that it might be time to go on tour. Finally, everyone was into the idea. So, we decided that we might need a manager. Enter “Missy”. She, quite literally, dropped into my lap at a bar one night. Thoughout our discussions, I found out that Missy had previously managed a band that toured around the country for several years. She had all kinds of contacts and would love to check us out… “if we were serious”. So, I gave her my card, got her number, and went to tell the guys….
I described the meeting at the next practice. And to answer everyone’s question… yes, she was hot. Excitement grew as we talked more and more about how someone else would do the booking and haggling over fees and contracts, etc., someone who actually knew what they were doing. How awesome it would be to just focus on the music, travel around and have everything taken care of. We thoroughly discussed what terms we might agree with. But we figured we’d let her approach us with something then consider it later. One thing we did agree on, was no one was allowed to hook up with her.
Weeks went by and we didn’t hear from Missy. Finally, right as we were about to give up, she called me, and wanted to come to a practice to hear us in person. A few hours later, we were jamming in my basement “studio”. After hearing just one song, she said “I think you guys really have something here. I would love to represent you.” We discussed a quick agreement that she would immediately begin booking us local shows for free. Anything that paid over $1000, she’d take 10%. No paper, no signatures, just immediate representation.
The first month, she helped us put together a professional press kit, launched a website, got us some local press, and booked several shows. Nothing huge, but it was an excellent start. She would always show up at our gigs early to make sure everything was right. She had a lawyer right up a standard contract for us. We began to file for LLC. Things were moving. I know she was having a good time with it. She would come to our gigs dressed up in these “rock star’s girlfriend” outfits that possibly got more attention than the band. I’m talking fishnets, low-cut leather, cool fuzzy hats, the works. It was like she was our pimp. She kinda was.
Then one night after a gig, she told me she had a thing for me.
“No way. You know the rules. The band comes first. ” I said.
She said “but you could… right now.”
Boing! Oh God!
This chick definitely didn’t care about the rules. I did, however. With her help, my dreams of playing music for a living were slowly coming true. I wasn’t about to throw that away. And if I needed another excuse… I had a girlfriend.
Then, we broke up, the girlfriend and I, that is. Funny thing about break-ups, they make you vulnerable… and horny.
So… inevitably…, it happened - in Missy’s own words, “the obligatory rebound”. I absolutely, to this day, still blame the Jaeger shots she was feeding me at the bar that night. I will spare you the details, as I know my wife keeps up with this series.
I didn’t tell the guys about Missy and my rendezvous. Things were going too well with the band. But a few days later, I got a message from her. She quit. No reason, no explanation, and no returned phone calls. That was that. After some serious hypothesizing, we decided that we were probably better off. We all agreed that it would’ve only been a matter of time before one of us was hooking up with her.
I kept my little secret, and we went about our business, continuing to play shows and book gigs. Fortunately, we had her list of contacts, and we started working on planning a tour. After a few weeks, when we were laughing about her, it slipped out what had happened between Missy and me. Whoops. That opened the door to the unveiling of a few other secrets. Turns out, the drummer had a small crush on her and, worst of all, the bass player had actually been “dating” her for the past few weeks.
Oh brother.
He asked her if it was true about us. She denied it. He accused me of lying about it. She asked me why I told him. I told her to tell him the truth. She said she would. She didn’t. The whole thing became a huge mess. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I think the other guitar player was sleeping with her, too. This all went on for months. Missy dated the bass player and [allegedly] slept with the other guitar player, all the while telling me that she really wanted to be with me and donk-teasing the drummer. And during all this the keyboard player was hating all of us. It was a huge mess. Finally, the keyboard player said “enough is enough. You’re all a bunch of idiots” and he quit on us one night before our last gig.
We played that last gig without him, but that was the end of thred. All because of a stupid girl.
Popularity: 46% [?]
Tagged as: bands, managers, Newman, thred, tours
Newman…I’m hoping this series just keeps goin’ and goin’…as always a highlight in my cvilleMUSE week!
Thanks, Shaun. I’ve got plenty more stories. Some good, some bad, some funny, some sad. Some’ll make you laugh, some’ll make you cry. Some’ll be a sharp stick in the eye.
Too bad you don’t know any TV folks. These stories would make for better television than anything that MTV and the like have going on these days. Can’t wait to hear the rest.
let’s get newman a tv deal. i like that idea a lot.
but first we’ve got to come up with a name for the show. any suggestions? Stealing one of your past headlines Newman, I’ll suggest Getting the Goodies.
hahaa. thanks, guys. they did a “Making the Band” show which was aweful. Thank God I wasn’t in that terrible piece of tv.
How ’bout we just name the series on here. Getting the Goodies is good. Any other ideas? Some lurkers out there?
A few from your stories that made me laugh
My Friends, They Call me NewmaN
cookie sessions
playing at the drummer’s grandmother’s house
Chicks still dig rock stars, right?
Birkenstocks, socks and corduroy pants
top bunk
ENTERANCE
/giving Newman full credit for this copy paste-athon
I’ve got it. call it Band Enterance
Awe man, I just laughed thinking about “My friends they call me Newman”.
It’s from a song we wrote called….can you guess? “Newman”, of course.
The lyrics are about the cat…
“My friends they call me Newman, and I call my friends “Meow”.
I’m trapped under the laundry basket, and I can’t find my way out.”
Ha, that cat has been through some serious harassment.
@9 You provided evidence of the harassment in a lampshade video. Hahaha….. you shouldn’t be mean to cats…. have any more videos
Newman wants out of the laundry basket
The SPCA would like to speak with you
and I want a new iced tea since my keyboard drank this one.
Um, no more videos, but I do have some good stories about that cat.
Stupid cat knocked over, and broke, my wife’s favorite picture frame last night. Revenge of sorts, I guess.
Probably for naming a girl cat Newman!
I like the way Lurker #3 was headed, I tend to think things name themselves as I am sure that’s how a female cat ended up being named Newman.
Since these stories have all been themed around the guitar players in the band I support “donk-teasing the drummer”. Alright, so maybe as a subtitle to a stronger (less Porn title) and you pair that with “Chicks still dig rock stars, right?” and you got yourself a Hollywood produced straight-to-DVD film… but it would be YOUR Hollywood film.
Otherwise “Living with 2 thumbs” seems to fit.
[…] series (in case you haven’t been following along, you can jump into the conversation here) and then Dolly’s mention of The Band’s magnificent Last Waltz (another thread you […]
@12 Living with 2 thumbs sounds like a national geographic documentary on humans and their closest relatives the chimps. I like it.
@14. I was going to suggest Living with 2 Left Thumbs but then I thought that would be a better name for a movie about a hitch hiker who always ends up back in the same place
/will lurkers #2 and #1 please report to the front desk…lurkers #2 and #1 to the front desk please
@14 It does have the documentary feel to the name, maybe it’s a more appropriate title for the book that prompts the need for the movie. It works on many levels; not only the 2 thumbs of “this guy” but since Newman (the cat) also has 2 thumbs it adds another element to the story/movie.
Better yet, couple this with the subtitle “donk-teasing the drummer” and now you’ve got more stories to tell about those two madcap thumbs. Enter.. Hitch hiker!
[…] Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 […]
[…] 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part […]
Soooo…. I have just blown a good chunk of the afternnon reading all of your article’s Newman. Just another productive day at the office…. Good work Newman..
[…] Episodes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, […]
@16. sorry, i have to correct you. newman the cat actually has 4 thumbs. Making her slightly more evolved than me.